my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Be still, my beating vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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