And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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