everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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