What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
