So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
