dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
