he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
