I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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