Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
