Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
