I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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