Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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