My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
