your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
