I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
