I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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