I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
