Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
