You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
