Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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