just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
