Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Damn victory sex feels great
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
