I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
