Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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