Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dignity is for republicans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I AM VODKA MAN
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
