I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize