Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
