Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
