i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
