based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
