guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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