I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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