I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
