She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
