shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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