No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
