Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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