sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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