she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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