my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
