ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
