Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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