Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
