Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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