idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
