Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
