i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
