I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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