Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
