shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
