My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
