Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
