Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize