dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
