Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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