what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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