what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
