Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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