Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
