he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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