I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
