how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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