I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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