community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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