Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
