we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
