i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i need some magic done to my vagina
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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