My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
