You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
